I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
