porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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