either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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