You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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