She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
