That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
