Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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