I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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