we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
