No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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