giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
