it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
pop tarts are not kleenex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
