My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
