Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
