This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
