I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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