His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
