The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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