And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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