I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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