; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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