I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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