Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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