I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
