friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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