Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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