when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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