My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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