The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
