PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
