Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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