i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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