the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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