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• (718): View more from New York

  I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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• (818): View more from California

  So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

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• (323): View more from California

  but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....

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• (727): View more from Florida

  The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.

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