Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
