i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
