Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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