whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
