I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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