Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
