when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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