dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
