This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
