just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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