I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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