I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
