Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
