Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
