matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
