Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
