I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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