I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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