i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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