Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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