if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize