So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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