do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
