When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
