I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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