You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
