super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
