I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
