Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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