This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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