Apparently you make a good broom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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